Too Independent 

I have come to realize that most men say they want one thing, but it comes down to it, they really want something entirely different. Let me explain..I am the type of woman who has built herself up on her own. So naturally I am independent, self sufficient, and can do it on my own. Now a lot of men will say that’s “sexy” or “that’s the type of woman I want.” I call bullshit.

It seems that the words they say are different as soon as they realize oh shit, she really doesn’t need me at all. I have never been the kind of girl to cling all over my boyfriend. I rarely enjoy cuddling and I need my alone time. Apparently this translates into men’s minds as I no longer am attracted to them or I’m cold, distant, cheating, etc;

NO! I am simply doing what I have had to do all my life which is make it on my own. I am so used to being on my own and not having to check in with someone that when I get into a relationship I continue to do what I’ve always done. Apparently, this is not acceptable.

I won’t apologize for who I am and I won’t play the damsel in distress just to pet your ego. If dating and being intimate with me isn’t enough to know your worthiness in my life,  then why the hell are we together? I shouldn’t have to hang off your shoulder for you to know I’m into you. If I didn’t want you in my life, you wouldn’t be in it. When did men become more sensitive in the need for affection?

I once told someone I dated that I am a free spirit. I am I have my own spiritual beliefs, in tune with my body and soul and I best to my own drum. What did this now ex of mine say in response? “When I think of free spirit, I think of a whore.” I should have known right there that this relationship was doomed and that didn’t know who T-Pain was. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO T-PAIN is. C’mon now. The relationship ended because I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I wasn’t affectionate enough, I wasn’t clingy enough, I wasn’t the one who needed to be needed. I was who I always am and that wasn’t okay. So it ended.

Maybe I need to soften a bit but I don’t want to have to. I shouldn’t have to change who I am so that a man will want me more. I should be able to be who I am without having to alter the person I have worked so hard to become.

 

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