That Old Soul 


I am starting to believe that people (both men an women) are forgetting that we are all humans here. I have always been the type of person that is extremely in tune with my emotions, feeling, etc; I am also aware of what the people around me are feeling. Call it a sixth sense if you will. I have always been a spiritual person. I do not “belong” to any one certain belief or religion. Some may call this “New Age” but I prefer to leave it undetermined. A free spirit with an old soul who has a deep appreciation for rap and r&b music. An awesome hybrid of some kind. Whoever your spiritual guide may be, let me tell you he had a field day when crafting together the hot mess I call myself.

Feeling to much is a dangerous trait to have, most assume you are crazy. That feeling to much, caring to much, loving to much are characteristics of being psychotic. It is now a crime to feel. Do not even think about expressing those feelings. Then you’re just classified as insane. I don’t half ass do any kind of relationship and if that’s to much for you to handle then go get fucked.

When did it become okay to fuck with other peoples emotions? It’s socially acceptable to walk into someones life and leave without ever giving an explanation why. “Ghosting” is what this is called. This is happening so often that it now has a term. What in the actual fuck is going on in this world. Do people honestly not care about anyone/thing other than themselves anymore? How does one go from saying nice things, pretending that they are interested to never speaking to them again? And when did this become a natural thing to do to people. Since when is everyone no longer responsible for their actions or how they might affect someone else.

I have been through a lot of hell in my short 26 years on this planet. I have been abused mentally, emotionally and physically. I have been lied to even with evidence of the lie, cheated on, brainwashed..all of it. Yet I still am able to heal and love. Still trying to find hope, love, peace and happiness. 

I have asked several men, who the hell fucked you so badly that you can no longer be honest and open? I have also straight up asked men to be one hundred percent honest with me. If you want to walk away, walk but at least give me a reason. I don’t care how mean or hateful the reason may be I want to know. I won’t beg you to stay or try and win your heart I am simply curious. I have such a need to know why that I will loose sleep. Not because I am psycho crazy in love with you (let’s be real its unlikely you’ve done anything to earn that, you aren’t that special) but because I need to know all the information. I want to be able to learn from each experience whether it may be good or bad. Also for closure even on something that may or may not have even barely started. If you have stayed up into the wee hours of the morning talking, sharing facts about yourself, sending photos , etc; then you have invested yourself in that persons life. It is FUCKED to just up an disappear. I would rather be cheated on, at least  then I would have a damn justified reason to be disappointed 

Why are people so fucking afraid to say what they want. If you decided that you no longer want anything to do with someone its not that hard to say, “Hey, I am just not that into you anymore.” OR say an ex or someone new comes into the picture, grow a pair of balls and tell the other person. Leaving them guessing and wondering is pure torture. You may not realize now that your all rainbows and butterflies, but that other person you were perusing is left asking themselves questions that they can only get from you. How can you walk away from someone you’ve made a connection with and be able to sleep peacefully at night? 


 

Yes this is aimed at a few people. Sadly it isn’t just one. I seem the attract serious assholes or guys who are simply insane or detached from their own emotions. Go to therapy or find someone to help heal you. Talk to that person you left wondering. However much time has passed or situations have changed, I guarantee they are still wondering. 

It may seem unbelieve to some but there are a few of us out there that actually care about others well being. Care about their souls and whether you want to admit your wrongs or ignore it like most do, we (I) will continue to move on still wondering…

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